WARNING: Self-indulgent weight-loss whinging!

So for the past 3 weeks I've been trying reasonably hard to not eat cake.

I can't really expand on my philosophy much farther than that. I've been reading intuitive eating books and trying to listen to my body, and not eat too much. I've also been journalling my food and counting calories but without any clear calorie "goal" for the day. If some days end up at 1400 and I'm not hungry, then that's fine, if some days end up at 2200 whether I ate cake, or whether I was just really hungry, then that's fine too.

As for exercise, well for the past week I was meaning to get my 'tocks to the gym. I even had my gym gear packed (and it's still packed) for most of the week, but somehow raging tiredness conspired against me. I am still doing martial arts (actually strike that, last week I missed my private lesson and didn't really do much in the "advanced" class because I turned up late!) for exercise and not really a lot else. I know this is not really enough to help me lose weight, but like I say the past week was a bit upside-down for one reason or another.

On Saturday I was exhausted and ate a whole bag of corn chips and about 10 biscuits after an afternoon nap! Fortunately I didn't turn this destructive eating into an excuse to eat Mars Bars and cake for the rest of the day because I sat in the bath and read some Bethanny Frankell and got out feeling a little less worse for wear.

This little blog entry is probably a confession of sorts, or excuses, as to why I think the gym scales will probably not show a loss. You see, the first week that I wrote down my food and "tried not to eat cake" I had a surprising loss of 1 kilo. (I like weighing in kilos, there is none of that shame that says, "OMG I'm 14 STONE!!!!! EEEEEEEEEK!" I have no reference point with kilos!) The following week, I also surprised myself with another loss of 1kg!!! I was pretty astounded because what I was doing food-wise wasn't HARD. Does that sound stupid or what?? Seriously, I had not expected to lose any weight whatsoever because I wasn't starving hungry all the time, and I didn't really deny myself anything and I didn't kill myself at the gym. Messed up, or what?

Anyway, so, you've guessed it, Monday night is weigh night! Writing these few paragraphs has made me see that, no, I probably won't have lost any weight this week, but you know what, that's OK! I missed my private kickboxing lesson on Tuesday because I had to present to a Rotary Club, which included dinner! On Wednesday I was exceptionally tired, and I probably ate more that I should've done and I didn't write my evening eats down, so I have no idea quite what happened, but I do know that Fish & Chips were involved! Thursday was a pretty normal Thursday. Friday I was in a school all day which was challenging, and they gave us lunch, but way beyond my usual lunch time and I was starving, and the food wasn't all that good, so I ate more to make up for it(twisted, yes?)! When I got home I pretty much ate for Britain because I thought I was still hungry, when in fact I was probably just over-tired. I do know that I had chips and ice cream for dinner on Friday! Lovely! Saturday had a low point, but I think overall I managed to reign the day in and yesterday was upside-down too, because of a kickboxing tournament I didn't get to eat lunch until half past 3, but I don't think I did too bad a job of the day, even though "lunch" was chips, pita and brie, and dinner was a slice of pizza and some Mars Crispies!

I'm going to practise my back-kicks for a little while tonight and really try to nail them. I've been without a private lesson for 6 weeks and I really should've been practising more. Then I am going to weigh myself and I am NOT going to freak out. Well, I will be dissapointed if I have a gain, but I know that this week has been mental, and I am back on track again for a slightly calmer week next week.